The Three Most Common Struggles I See Women Facing in Their 20s and 30s

After writing recently about men’s emotional struggles, I found myself reflecting on what I’m noticing among women in their 20s and 30s. In my work with women in this age group, three themes come up again and again — often quietly, sometimes with shame, but almost always with recognition once spoken aloud.

1. Independence vs. Codependence

Many women I see are navigating a delicate balance between wanting to be okay on their own and wanting meaningful connection. There’s often an internal dialogue that sounds like:

“I want to be comfortable being alone… but I also want people to do things with.”

This tension has been amplified by how we live today. Online, it can seem as if everyone else is constantly out, whether that looks like eating at new restaurants, taking weekend trips, going to art shows, which can make solitude feel like failure rather than freedom. Living in cities like New York, women often feel pressure to “take advantage” of everything the city has to offer without waiting for someone to join them, yet when they do have partners or close friends, new anxieties appear: What do I do when they’re busy? Why does being alone still feel uncomfortable?

Complicating this is the shifting nature of friendships in adulthood. Friends move away, get into serious relationships, or start living with partners, and suddenly the familiar social structure changes. Do you renew your lease, or is it time to live alone? How do you find new circles of connection when old ones start to thin out?

I often remind clients that people who report strong social connections tend to live longer and experience better overall health. Connection matters, but it doesn’t have to look like the all-or-nothing models we internalize. Small acts of novelty can open surprising doors: joining a local sports league, sitting at a coffee shop with a book, taking a new route home. These micro-choices build confidence and ease in your own company, which naturally helps you show up more authentically when you meet others. And it’s worth remembering that dating itself is an extension of curiosity and connection -- something we can practice in daily life, not just on an app. In one of my psychologist consultation groups, a peer recently spoke about the “happy hour friend.” Is it OK to have friends for different things and build up a network? Women often have to decide whether or not they are OK with sacrificing deep connection for social activity.

2. Role Confusion: The Many Selves Women Are Asked to Be

Another recurring theme is what I’d call role confusion: the challenge of being a good employee, a supportive friend, a present partner, and, for many, a mother or someone thinking about becoming one.

In today’s workplaces, it’s not uncommon for companies to offer fertility benefits like egg freezing. While these are often positioned as empowering, some women describe feeling trapped by them, staying in roles they don’t love because leaving could mean losing access to those benefits. Beneath this is a quieter question: What does it mean to plan my life around the possibility of motherhood, especially when I’m not sure what I want yet?

For those who do become mothers, another layer of complexity emerges. They find themselves forming new “mom” friendships while old ones fade or feel out of sync. They navigate time off for parental leave, child illness, or shifting work demands, often with an undercurrent of guilt about whether they’re doing enough anywhere, at home or at work. For the first time, we are also seeing a huge cultural shift trending to decreasing birth rates. Kids are not just extremely expensive, but women are becoming more aware of how much they are asked to sacrifice by having children of their own, and they are questioning it outloud.

It’s easy for women to internalize that confusion as a personal failing, when in truth it’s a natural byproduct of living in a culture that still idealizes doing it all. In therapy, these conversations often turn toward permission: the permission to not have a five-year plan, to grieve what has to be put down, and to hold both career ambition and maternal uncertainty without judgment.

3. Changing Boundaries with Family

Finally, many women in this life stage are re-negotiating their relationships with family. As roles shift, moving away from parents, building their own households, or merging traditions with partners, boundaries become less clear and emotions run high.

A frequent theme sounds like:

“My mom wants me to celebrate Mother’s Day with her, but I also want to honor my first Mother’s Day at home with my new family. How do I make everyone happy?”

These questions are especially tender because they touch on belonging and guilt. Women are often socialized to be the emotional anchors of their families: the ones who keep the peace, remember birthdays, and smooth over conflict. So when priorities shift, even for healthy reasons, it can feel like a betrayal.

Therapy can be a space to examine these inherited expectations: What do I actually owe, and what do I want to give? Boundaries aren’t just about saying no; they’re about clarifying what matters most. Learning to tolerate a loved one’s disappointment can be uncomfortable but freeing: it’s how authenticity starts to replace obligation.

Closing Reflection

What ties these themes together: independence vs. connection, role confusion, family boundaries, is the quiet pressure many women feel to be everything to everyone, including themselves. Therapy often becomes the one place where that pressure can be named and unpacked, where women can explore what “enough” really looks like in their own lives.

Growth in this stage isn’t about having perfect balance; it’s about building awareness and choice. The more women can approach these tensions with curiosity rather than self-criticism, the more space they have to shape lives that feel self-directed, and, ultimately, more whole. This is the work we need to focus on empowering our patients with today.